If I thought the call on my screen were a bill collector I would just let it go to voicemail but unfortunately, I had seen this “no caller id” call a few other times and ignored so I figured I would answer it today in the car coming home from an errand. I am glad I did.
I answer, “this is Michelle,” my phone serving as both my personal and business cell. Hello, she says, I am calling to ask a few questions, I pause and think I know she doesn’t think she can start talking without telling me who she is.
She proceeds to tell me, “I am (the man’s name) wife. And I just had a baby! I literally could not breathe. This man is a pastor, we had great conversations, we have known each other a few years now, dare I call him one of my best friends that is a guy.
Sometimes the conversations go into what it would be like to be together, but nothing real serious. Last week (when his wife was giving birth) he told me his sister was in the hospital and had to be moved to ICU. Like wow, he asked me to pray for his sick sister in ICU to cover for what is really happening – HIS WIFE GIVING BIRTH!
Over the last three years, we (I say we but really it is “I”) have shared the ups and downs, pains and sorrows since I have known him. He knows two of my children well and has a special name for one of them even, and they know of him. I mean seriously they just think he is some cool guy that just happens to be pastor.
As I still sit in shock, I find it hard to focus on what I need to do, I am trying to find something good in this. I decided to make something good out of it by sharing it with the world. In sharing my hope is to perhaps move another woman to ask some hard questions, especially if you are single and have male friendships with potential, considering marriage, etc., in whatever case, if something just doesn’t feel right, LISTEN! The more he flirted with suggestive remarks about our relationship, the more I felt uncomfortable, at times, but recently the red flags were clearer or am I “woke” as they say! The louder the inside voice the more I pressed him recently about his life and future.
About a year ago, I became angry at his games and some of what he would share about his family life that sounded out of pocket to me, I never gave him my new number. Eventually we were back in touch after I called him to let him know I would be in town and by this time I was no longer dating someone. After about 6 months of an occasional phone call or hello, he called. We caught up and picked up where we left off.
During my travels, I would ask to meet up, but it seemed it was more comfortable for him to visit me then me going to him, another red flag. Considering too many red flags presenting themselves, I decided to tell him that we would discuss the future of our relationship after his sister was better.
Meanwhile, his wife is supposed to call me back and according to her, we were going to support each other. Um, no sweetie, we are not. Instead, I would highly recommend a therapist and not a pastor! A licensed therapist! I will also maintain that having been in a dysfunctional marriage, at best, for most of the 17 years I was married, that is likely the direction of their marriage given all this and many other concerns he and I discussed. It was all too very familiar to me. I am starting to grow very weary of the familiar!
Listen to yourself, what you need is within, just listen, perhaps we just don’t listen because most of the time we want what we want, this blinds and binds us.
It seems the best place to end is, to repeat as I repeat to myself, listen to yourself, all that we need is within. Perhaps we don’t listen because we want we want and or our issues blind us. My eyes are open, but my heart still trusts until I am shown otherwise and clearly the two don’t mix at times. There are times to bypass the emotions straight to thinking and logic. I am grateful that I am not as blind as I used to be. I am grateful that what happens in the dark is brought to the light…eventually…and if not in this life well that’s another blog post.
My take-aways –
I have no idea what to say! Maybe only that it is not a woman’s job to uphold a man to honor. I am not responsible for his actions. This is not a reflection on me. However, I am learning the law of attraction and attachments. (more on this later).